13, by Fat Boy Jamz

13

by Fat Boy Jamz

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1.	On My Own 01:58	lyrics	buy track
My name is Matt I go by Fat Boy Jamz There is a reason I’m here I’m here to allow myself to think I’m here to allow myself to win I think of things philosophically And I think of things rationally Doing the best I can in what I Choose to put all of my focus on I am here to share things with you Some that are false and some that are true I am here to make things better hopefully For me and for you But, every once in awhile Something I write is misconstrued And people don’t like it I’m not writing for those people I’m writing for me and you BREAK Some days I just want to be alone Most days I just want to be free All days I want happiness for both my partner and me Some days I just want to be alone Most days I just want to be free All days I want happiness for both my partner and me
2.	Not Sick But Not Well 02:41	lyrics	buy track
There never was a day That I woke up to say Man, I feel refreshed Man, I’m not sick Not in the past 20 years It’s been mostly this way I wake up tired And not sick but not well either I just wish I could say That all of what I feel gets better I just wish I could say that But, I am dealing with a severe illness Some people are cordial Some are not Most are also struggling And think they have the worst of the lot But, I’m here to tell you Mental health is not all the same I have what 1% of the population has With suicide rates at 10% BREAK Now, I don’t wish to do anything to end my life But, I do wish to say The blues, occasional problems, situational depression Are not what I’m dealing with BREAK I know I’m not alone But, that doesn’t take away the pain I know I have a home But, that doesn’t mean what you’re saying is not lame If you don’t want to deal with me That’s alright with me Chances are you’d just disappoint me with your lack of empathy I want to be whole again And that’s not going to happen 8 psych meds a day now And I’m nowhere near thriving 8 psych meds a day now Coupled with suicidal thoughts And life is all about surviving
3.	Measurable 02:31	lyrics	buy track
Going down the path Of a person who has Been to hell and back That didn’t take the time to stress To make themselves insane There’s a moment in every day Where we all look back It can be one thing or a group of things But, none of this has made anyone Any stronger The thing I like to focus on is moving forward Even though I’m stuck and afraid I have enough sense to know Looking back does me no good Someday I’ll figure it out And truly know that it’s my action That makes me follow through It’s my action that’s full of The consistency I once knew BREAK The consistency A measurable action The kind that takes me from steps A to B And all through the alphabet The action steps More measurable actions The kind that make me feel proud Of myself and all of my progress The consistency A measurable action The kind that takes me from steps A to B And all through the alphabet The action steps More measurable actions The kind that make me feel proud Of myself and all of my progress
4.	Medication Is A Bandage 02:12	lyrics	buy track
He plotted a course Half way to the finish line That was largely invisible Due to his relationship with time He set out to discover An end in sight The kind that made sense to him And the pursuit of his habits You see, he wasn’t trying to win it He wasn’t in the game of life for that He wasn’t trying to be an overcomer Because he couldn’t overcome what he had He was trying to make a series of changes, enhancements, progress, and growth But, all of that made him even more upset at where he was at BREAK Nothing good comes easy He often heard himself think Nothing that would help him change his ways Was ever handed to him He wasn’t able to make it Without saying I do my best and aim for rest I am not rested nor am I well I carry on as if my life depended on it Which it does It so very much does And I know I’m not alone There are people who have it just as bad as me Some who are aware of there symptoms And others who are not My goal is to educate the masses To tell them about mental illness And how medication doesn’t “fix” things Medication is a bandage
5.	What Is Love 01:49	lyrics	buy track
Oh, she was cool She was kind She was everything including benign What she said and did where others were concerned Was a gift from the heavens A gift from the herd There wasn’t much of a reason For her to declare A need for a lover or a need for a flair A weakness she thought She was so strong And she was all alone I know this woman I know her well I know that she and I are both in hell I know what she did and what she does I know that overcoming each of our lives Is not what is love BREAK What is love Takes me to a place Where as wounded as I am I developed compassion for others I had sympathy for their troubles So, no I don’t see things quite like she does She may betray me before the night is here I don’t see any way for the two of us to co-exist Outside the realm of love What is love Takes me to a place Where as wounded as I am I developed compassion for others I had sympathy for their troubles
6.	Confusion Is My Every Day Struggle 01:57	lyrics	buy track
Confusion It’s my every day struggle I get ahead and am reminded of How far I’m behind I try not to make it about mental health But, so much of my life is about that So much of my being is encroached in self-help But, not the kind that supports crazy optimism Been there, done that And frankly that is for the birds I want to continue sharing and caring About myself and others And the best way to do that is to Put it in a song Songwriting, production, storytelling, and poetry That’s the name of the game It is for me I don’t stray too far From any of the above There’s no more questioning My philosophies BREAK I don’t stray too far From any of the above There’s no more questioning My philosophies
7.	Sad, Unfortunate Things 01:42	lyrics	buy track
It was definitely something That took him over the edge There was definitely something That made us all stop and think Was it an illness or was it something that we could see? Was it a belief in being all that you can be? Was it the lesser of sad, unfortunate things? No one should go out like he did Not without someone having all the facts There is hope in a hopeful thing He was once young and had it all figured out A time came when nothing would let him go And he was ushered into a brand new world It’s never really been easy And it’s been a battle all along But, someone has worked to figure all of this out And they have vowed to never make anyone feel alone BREAK It’s never really been easy And it’s been a battle all along But, someone has worked to figure all of this out And they have vowed to never make anyone feel alone
8.	Such Fragile Mental Health 01:37	lyrics	buy track
She clocked out of work at 10 And went to the bar at 11 Where she stayed until 1 Because at 2 o’clock everyone was drunk Of course, there were people who were designated drivers But it’s been this was since 1995 And most everyone was driving It’s funny how things change in society From stiff penalties for being under the influence to no consequences for buying marijuana BREAK We’ll just have to figure it out What is the likelihood that we will continue without alcohol? Because nobody wants intoxicated people around Yeah maybe that’s just the ticket To rid ourselves of booze completely Because it makes the most sense When we’re battling such fragile mental heath
9.	Free 01:45	lyrics	buy track
I wandered over to the other side of bondage Just the other day It felt like I had been missing something And no one would ever want to stray When they discover what it means to have such freedom When they discover what makes them more whole It will happen to some of us some day It will happen to all of us After we’re gone But, let’s try and figure out some of this shit here today Let’s try not to die in vain BREAK I’ve given up on politics and current events In favor of spiritual beliefs About myself that might not have ever come to fruition Luck is that thing that makes me do what I do with more and more precision Luck is that thing that lets freedom ring Of course, I don’t know how to let it all out When they say let it all out I just do what I can to drive the point home To someday feel less and less alone
10.	It Takes Two 01:58	lyrics	buy track
In the midst of a summer breeze Sat a man and woman trying hard to see The truth that the other had shared with them About that night It wasn’t all it was cracked up to be A mistake was made and a lesson was learned But, how could things have gotten to where they were? No one could have predicted that scene The man said to the woman Countless times I’m sorry There was no fright No frills and no night Where any of this could ever be forgotten The woman proclaimed to the man That she was only doing this to make amends That she had already forgotten everything And he was still talking Last but not least There was a reason to be relieved Of the spell that had been put on her by this man They began to sort all of it out And soon enough there would be no doubt That the mistake that was made was made by both of them BREAK They began to sort all of it out And soon enough there would be no doubt That the mistake that was made was made by both of them
11.	Self-fulfilling Prophecy 01:27	lyrics	buy track
Yesterday got here Faster than you could snap your fingers Today arrived and there’s no one left dealing with it Consequences are present now And nobody can see how Things had gotten so far out of control There used to be a plan for things And life was more than this And everything that could have happened Actually happened But they both stopped to realize That a self-fulfilling prophecy Was actually the reason behind all of this madness BREAK Again, they both stopped to realize That a self-fulfilling prophecy Was actually the reason behind all of this madness
12.	Songwriter 01:52	lyrics	buy track
How does he do it? Go from one set of lyrics to the next? He just writes and writes And puts it all together He figures it out It’s not difficult he says His boundaries are what’s in his head He observes them by what he writes down There is no better way To shut off those feelings of negativity Than to write yourself a song as your work There is no more honest method than to say goodbye to All the people that made you Lose your only shirt Yes, you’re an earner You’re a wage maker Sure, you’re all I wanted to be No, I’m not able to stand beside you BREAK And in the end We’ll share it From one human being to another The belief that we’re both Imposters on a grand scale Imposters that earn a living Make a wage But, make their lives Living in a wonderful hell
13.	Hope For The Duration 01:36	lyrics	buy track
I’ve done an extreme amount of overthinking And I have found that putting an emphasis on not thinking too much Has helped me, continues to help me, and may just make the difference in my life As someone dealing with serious mental illness, I cannot be too sure of much of anything Life is a downer most of the time And I am drowning, not in my sorrows, but in my thinking They say that these feelings of mine are only temporary And they are temporary to the extent that they won’t last forever in this current cycle But, they will come back BREAK Ensuring I don’t succumb to suicide or anything that will hurt my family I hang on for dear life To the words of one of my songs No matter how cheesy I can do it Yes I can I can do it Even when I feel damned I can do it Yes I can

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—Fat Boy Jamz

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released March 21, 2024

Written and produced by Fat Boy Jamz.

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Fat Boy Jamz

I write spoken word…

“You’ve put it out there for revelation and information. Reflection, too. I appreciate this very much.”

“I love your message. I love that you're out here, with style and rhythm, telling it like it is, indeed!”

“I really enjoy your spoken word, it draws you in and makes you pay attention.”

Please support this indie music at fatboyjamz.bandcamp.com or patreon.com/FatBoyJamz. ... more