Managing My Mental Health

by Fat Boy Jamz

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1.	Managing 01:48	lyrics
As far back as I can recall I’ve dealt with anxiety And, then came the depression And finally, the confused or disordered thinking And, the thing is I am medicated I have a diagnosis I’m pushing through the stigma The every day fight It’s not easy The instability in my thinking And, that’s what is hurting me My diagnosis doesn’t matter I am managing my mental health For me personally, I just want to feel good To go a half a day even Without problems Without my troubles Affecting my mood Yes, I have a mental health diagnosis But, not everyone does And, some people live Unimaginable lives It’s not easy The instability in my thinking And, that’s what is hurting me My diagnosis doesn’t matter I am managing my mental health BREAK It’s not easy The instability in my thinking And, that’s what is hurting me My diagnosis doesn’t matter I am managing my mental health
2.	SMI 01:50	lyrics
There is rarely an idle moment Where I don’t think about how to Make things better My life is what it is And, used to be so much smoother I mean, there were times of love and of laughter then That don’t compare to where I’m at today, right now, in the present I’ve had to learn how to get along again To function I’ve had to learn how to not be Stuck In delusion BREAK This is incredibly difficult To say the least I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy Having said all of that, there are good times too It’s just that they’re fleeting I can’t go a half a day usually Without a catastrophe And, what’s not catastrophic Is collasal I just wouldn’t have thought this Would be my life So tired of mental illness
3.	Outlook 01:38	lyrics
There is rarely an idle moment Where I don’t think about how to Make things better My life is what it is And, used to be so much smoother I mean, there were times of love and of laughter then That don’t compare to where I’m at today, right now, in the present I’ve had to learn how to get along again To function I’ve had to learn how to not be Stuck In delusion BREAK This is incredibly difficult To say the least I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy Having said all of that, there are good times too It’s just that they’re fleeting I can’t go a half a day usually Without a catastrophe And, what’s not catastrophic Is colossal I just wouldn’t have thought this Would be my life So tired of mental illness
4.	Inpatient 02:02	lyrics
This life I live is a rollercoaster And, I have such a difficult time No matter the day to day situation I’m still here, alive, and doing fine I say fine as in okay as in Many are doing worse I work hard to stay busy, to stay active In all things music, I am finding worth I didn’t think I’d ever really be here I didn’t think I’d ever say goodbye To a life I was barely holding onto And hello to a life where I try What was it that made me change things? It was my desire to go for more I had skills to learn, people to meet, and love to find And, all of this made the difference There stood a chance I wouldn’t make it I always run the risk of that But, by following a regimen and keeping busy I haven’t had to go back I didn’t think I’d ever really be here I didn’t think I’d ever say goodbye To a life I was barely holding onto And hello to a life where I try BREAK I didn’t think I’d ever really be here I didn’t think I’d ever say goodbye To a life I was barely holding onto And hello to a life where I try
5.	Self-care 01:27	lyrics
Self-care is my achilles heal It’s the one thing I must do To keep up with my self-care Proves to be difficult I’m saddened to say this It’s difficult to share That the things I do are bandages For a much larger problem Lack of motivation, anhedonia The negative symptoms of schizophrenia Often stop me before I begin How do I create? In all honesty that’s what I do to stay alive It’s everything to me Being creative is what has saved me BREAK And, at the end of the day I have such a difficult time Moving into my self-care space But, I’m trying
6.	Repetition 01:50	lyrics
Repetition There is a place inside All of us That wants to be alive And, lately I’ve found My poetry and music Satisfies This retreat Repetition is The key to learning All that is formidable From a place of yearning Repetition There is a place inside All of us That wants to be alive And, lately I’ve found My poetry and music Satisfies This retreat I have uttered mantras Affirmations And reminders All with a focus of strengthening My resolve Repetition There is a place inside All of us That wants to be alive And, lately I’ve found My poetry and music Satisfies This retreat BREAK Repetition There is a place inside All of us That wants to be alive And, lately I’ve found My poetry and music Satisfies This retreat
7.	Vessel 01:14	lyrics
It’s the fear that’s hard to handle It’s the all of a sudden Burst of anxiety The moments of being scared that take me Out of the reality I was in I am not a well person Though not acutely ill I can’t blame it on drugs, but that is something That a lot of people struggle to find peace with Rest assured, you are doing your best BREAK I’d like to think of my work as a vessel To a place somewhere deep inside the mind That gets “us” Those who are affected by mental illness
8.	Win-win 01:50	lyrics
I haven’t got myself there I’ve said many a prayer And, if I’m to be lifted up out of this situation And get unstuck I’ll need to do something Looking back, I felt some pain In high school It was a crying game Depression that wasn’t strong enough To take over my heart and mind completely 20 years later, and I’ve overcome aspects of what I deal with I’m managing chronic mental illness And, there’s no win-win anymore BREAK From suicidal thoughts to delusions and other symptoms I’m doing my absolute best Just to get through all of these things Knowing I am aging and other health issues are on the horizon I am doing things to keep my eyes on The notion that one day this will all be finished And, that one day the pain will all be done Not so much in my lifetime But, hopefully for someone, somewhere else There will be a win-win

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—Fat Boy Jamz

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released October 21, 2023

Written and produced by Fat Boy Jamz.

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Fat Boy Jamz

I write spoken word…

“You’ve put it out there for revelation and information. Reflection, too. I appreciate this very much.”

“I love your message. I love that you're out here, with style and rhythm, telling it like it is, indeed!”

“I really enjoy your spoken word, it draws you in and makes you pay attention.”

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