The FBJ Story, by Fat Boy Jamz

The FBJ Story

by Fat Boy Jamz

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1.	Better Than Before (Album Mix) 01:52	lyrics	buy track
I live every day with paranoia I live every day with delusions I live every day with anxiety I live every day with confusion But, I try and keep afloat Because I know I’m doing better Than I was before Better Yet I’m so scared I do the best I can I do the best I know how Constantly grasping at a Commonly shared reality I’m trying so hard It dangles In front of me Normalcy It dangles In front of me Hygiene BREAK What am I to do? What can I do? When so much bothers me I’m so sorry to share this With you I’m so sorry that all of this Is true But, I’m doing better than I was before But, I’m doing better than I was before
2.	Coming To Terms With It (Album Mix) 02:15	lyrics	buy track
At least I recognize When I’m struggling At least I try to do that But, sometimes I just get stuck again I don’t want to go back There’s so much I don’t know There’s so many times I want to know All the things I don’t But, I’m coming to terms with it The not knowing can be so freeing To a life of torment To a life that is sad To a life of loneliness I want to stay here and be as sane as possible Even though I often don’t know how to There’s so much I don’t know There’s so many times I want to know All the things I don’t But, I’m coming to terms with it The not knowing can be so freeing What is it that makes you? What is it that aches you? What are the things that you hold tight to? Not to mention What is it that breaks you? There’s so much I don’t know There’s so many times I want to know All the things I don’t But, I’m coming to terms with it The not knowing can be so freeing BREAK I want to continue to try To do my best Now and forever, I want to challenge myself To be awake and aware And, never be afraid of the stares There’s so much I don’t know There’s so many times I want to know All the things I don’t But, I’m coming to terms with it The not knowing can be so freeing
3.	Thou Shall Not Judge 01:44	lyrics	buy track
Thou shall not judge—ever Thou shall not judge isn’t just clever It’s a truth that means acceptance It’s a truth that is inclusive There is a propensity For so many To judge others Like you have it all together Thou shall not judge—ever Thou shall not judge isn’t just clever It’s a truth that means acceptance It’s a truth that is inclusive I want to scream it from the mountaintops That you have no right to judge others You have your own set of problems And, you must work to solve them Thou shall not judge—ever Thou shall not judge isn’t just clever It’s a truth that means acceptance It’s a truth that is inclusive BREAK Thou shall not judge—ever Thou shall not judge isn’t just clever It’s a truth that means acceptance It’s a truth that is inclusive
4.	The Growth Mindset 01:28	lyrics	buy track
I want to grow So much so Like before When I had the chance to Nothing seems as foreign to me As getting back up Being like I used to be It just won’t look like that again For me For the things I believed For the things I can see BREAK Even as things have improved They are nowhere near like they were This is the new me Where everything shines in a way Like never before And, this is the old me Where I’m stuck in the past Doing what I did Wondering how I did it
5.	Try Again 02:15	lyrics	buy track
If at first you don’t succeed Try again That’s the saying and how it goes It’s a good one that everyone knows I have schizoaffective disorder And, I’ve come a long way from where I was I feel I’m making up for lost time Doing everything that ever was Or would have been important to me If only I hadn’t gotten ill There’s a feeling of happiness Along with a feeling of fear This fear is that I don’t know how to prioritize My health, my chores, my life I don’t know how to make sense of it all But, I know I love my wife She helps me to understand my days As situational and as confusing as they may be I am trying real hard to grasp the idea That life is what I make it to be I mean, I know that life is what you make it But, life is also very unstable At least that’s how I see it At least that’s how I’ve lived it Regardless of the fear There’s a growing trust The notion that what happened to me Can happen to anyone BREAK I just have to make the best of my situation Therefore, I’m doing all I can Not to be elated Not to be like Super Man To be more even-keeled is where it’s at And, you might wonder How do you do that? It is possible and probable The longer you live You can get better and one day start to give
6.	20 Years Ago 01:31	lyrics	buy track
Illness in any form is difficult Illness regardless of what it is requires you to cope Illness just requires So much hope I wanted to shove my head in the sand I wanted to not ever fight again It all seemed a bit impossible to me At the time I was about to flea Illness in any form is difficult Illness regardless of what it is requires you to cope Illness just requires So much hope There was an inclining of hope That I could see I was suicidal and that’s no joke I went to the hospital, along with my folks Just to be admitted And learn I was ill Illness in any form is difficult Illness regardless of what it is requires you to cope Illness just requires So much hope
7.	Ambitious 01:23	lyrics	buy track
I am ambitious And, I know that’s learned You don’t just wake up All to finally yearn Something that has taken me from steps A to B Is a wonderful calculation of things I hoped to see I am ambitious And, I know that’s learned You don’t just wake up All to finally yearn There is a plan For you to do more than exist It’s a plan that Has you always Trying to persist I am ambitious And, I know that’s learned You don’t just wake up All to finally yearn BREAK I am ambitious And, I know that’s learned You don’t just wake up All to finally yearn
8.	Overthinking 02:00	lyrics	buy track
Overthinking is an easy thing to do Overthinking about me Overthinking about you Everything I used to do involved thinking too much But, with time and awareness Insight as it’s called I am learning not to think like that You could have fooled me I might not have seen it Without your pointing it out to me I might not have known it The point being that I sought out the solution On my own and with good meds A problem so many people deal with Is old meds So, when do things get better for everyone? When do things improve for the love of god? I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure I’m pretty sure That overthinking is the #1 cause Of many of my troubles BREAK Mental health is vast and something I know all to well When you go for treatment You go to get good You go to improve Poor mental health as a cause Good mental health as an effect It can happen, to go from one extreme to the next, but You must submit along with your problems And, realize that there is no cure
9.	Support Systems 01:52	lyrics	buy track
Historically, one of the toughest things I’ve had to do Is build a support system It’s difficult because you have to start somewhere Anywhere, and you need to be Aware enough to know who’s Helping you and whose hurting you’re sanity It’s not easy, it’s never simple But, there are some good people Out there who’ll care for you Who’ll be there for you In your time of need Support systems are not just a luxury For those that are in the know They’re an essential part of humanity Leaving lots of room to grow It took me years to figure it out Of all the ways and people and things That I wanted in my life I had to figure it out Firstly, there’s the medication And, secondly there’s the love Of people, and do not underestimate Where that’ll get you BREAK Support systems and health care should be intertwined I don’t know how else to say it It’s like having an advanced directive It’s as important as the sun sets And, what make the sun shine
10.	Healthcare 01:47	lyrics	buy track
When I think of all my troubles When I think of all the times I tried to make it I tried to be alive I aimed to have self-worth And, all that becomes of it I tried to not be depressed To be less anxious There is so much to say about good meds And, I’m mad that things are where they’re at There’s no continuity in health care And, seemingly no turning back BREAK I’m lucky in that I have health care But, I’m just as much as an advocate Of all the things that make me think There’s something better that this Then being without healthcare I want to make a case That anyone who’s anyone Got there because of love We all need love Some say it’s not the government’s job Well, when will it be their job To oversee The mindless profiting off of people Like you and me The mindless profiting off of people Like you and me
11.	Education 01:21	lyrics	buy track
I’m reminded that when there’s a 50/50 chance at something 90% of the time I am wrong Committing this to memory Will surely save me It will make me so damn strong Some believe that statistics are for the educated, the spiteful, and the weak But, common sense is for everyone Especially those who are meek BREAK What’s really important for me to say here today Is that education is not from the devil, for those with deep pockets, or for child’s play Education is for individuals who want and need To be at the top of their game It’s for those who want and need To feel better about the game Of life that we all have to live No matter what we do No matter if we go to extremes Education makes us smarter Not just the bi-product of a party line
12.	Triggers 01:26	lyrics	buy track
I am working hard to learn my triggers To learn what is better Than going through the pain Than reliving so much trauma I thought I’d take a chance And, figure all of this out And do it, knowing the best Is yet to come I am working hard to learn my triggers To learn what is better Than going through the pain Than reliving so much trauma Sometimes you get a second chance At love, at life, at circumstance There's just no reliving This god awful feeling That you are alone When you are not That you have survived and you are alive BREAK I am working hard to learn my triggers To learn what is better Than going through the pain Than reliving so much trauma
13.	Keeping Busy 01:21	lyrics	buy track
There’s more to life than running around God awful busy But, those who do that are onto something Of what should be the priority Within reason, of course Within the bounds of Sanity, and not overstretching ourselves Not biting off more than we can chew BREAK In my life, I’ve realized that keeping busy is very important I used to think it was ridiculous But, I have learned it’s just a bit of truth Of being healthy, of making strides, of knowing there’s something to look forward to No matter what the time No matter what your life No matter what the time No matter what your life
14.	Are We Lucky? 01:39	lyrics	buy track
What a deal I’m making peace with the universe I’m making peace with myself I’m lucky that I can even make peace at all I’m not taking anything for granted So many things going right and so many things going wrong I’m reminding myself that I’m lucky tonight as well These are situations where healthcare is required Half of this country doesn’t want healthcare paid for The other half wants it, but has barriers to accessing it BREAK Most of us want and need good healthcare But, not at a cost of lives and soaring prices Most of us want and need good healthcare Will we get it? Or are we lucky no more?

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Thanks for listening.

—Fat Boy Jamz

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released November 7, 2023

Written and produced by Fat Boy Jamz.

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Fat Boy Jamz

I write spoken word…

“You’ve put it out there for revelation and information. Reflection, too. I appreciate this very much.”

“I love your message. I love that you're out here, with style and rhythm, telling it like it is, indeed!”

“I really enjoy your spoken word, it draws you in and makes you pay attention.”

Please support this indie music at fatboyjamz.bandcamp.com or patreon.com/FatBoyJamz. ... more